Lately I've been drained.
I haven't been real enough with myself and God.
Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love college.
God's blessed me immensely and surrounded me with such amazing people..but I do miss the people that I could really genuinely pour out my heart out to in high school.
And that leads me to this realization, His love alone has not been sufficient enough for me. When I desire for my emotions to be satisfied, rather than allowing Him to be enough for me..I am being selfish. Thus,I forget who I am truly living for, and who truly cares for me despite the circumstances.
May that always be You Lord. Forgive, this wretched heart.
I wanna live for HIS WELL DONE MY GOOD AND FAITHFUL SERVANT, and not live for the fleeting temporary comforts and praises this world deceives me with.
I have a long way to go. Change this heart.
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Monday, September 20, 2010
finding worth through Him.
It's days like these really allows me to be honest with myself and my struggles. For no particular reason I felt like crap, could be from lack of sleep, or the countless clumsy things I did today and a carry-over from a frustration I dealt with over the weekend...but thankfully the Spirit helped me set my thoughts straight.
He made it really apparent to me that I'm still very fearful of Man. It's almost like embedded in our brains, we can't escape it. It is part of our sinful nature. But it doesn't mean that I or you have to remain content with that state of mind..we can strive for something better. God can help us through it.
One quote A.W. Tozer wrote that really penetrated into my heart, "In this world where men forget us, changes their attitude toward us as their private interests dictate, and revise their opinion of us for the slightest cause, is it not a source of wondrous strength to know the God with whom we have to do changes not? That His attitude toward us now is the same as it was in eternity past and will be in eternity to come?"
That's truly profound..and so true..why must we continue to live for the world when their attitude toward us is dictated by their interests. It's still a lot to process and swallow.
My prayer to God is that my true heart's desire is to live for an audience of One.I will fail. But from that I will grow. Faith will lead to triumph.
Christ is the only thing in my life that ever gave me worth, and I'm completely convicted He is the only thing that needs to give me worth.
Haha..I ponder in life sometimes...where I would be without Jesus. Probably dead by now. But I am a new creation in Him, and so I want this life to be offered to Him.
"You are my freedom, Jesus You're the reason, I'm kneeling again at Your throne, where would I be without You, here in my life, here in my life"- HU
Lord help me.
He made it really apparent to me that I'm still very fearful of Man. It's almost like embedded in our brains, we can't escape it. It is part of our sinful nature. But it doesn't mean that I or you have to remain content with that state of mind..we can strive for something better. God can help us through it.
One quote A.W. Tozer wrote that really penetrated into my heart, "In this world where men forget us, changes their attitude toward us as their private interests dictate, and revise their opinion of us for the slightest cause, is it not a source of wondrous strength to know the God with whom we have to do changes not? That His attitude toward us now is the same as it was in eternity past and will be in eternity to come?"
That's truly profound..and so true..why must we continue to live for the world when their attitude toward us is dictated by their interests. It's still a lot to process and swallow.
My prayer to God is that my true heart's desire is to live for an audience of One.I will fail. But from that I will grow. Faith will lead to triumph.
Christ is the only thing in my life that ever gave me worth, and I'm completely convicted He is the only thing that needs to give me worth.
Haha..I ponder in life sometimes...where I would be without Jesus. Probably dead by now. But I am a new creation in Him, and so I want this life to be offered to Him.
"You are my freedom, Jesus You're the reason, I'm kneeling again at Your throne, where would I be without You, here in my life, here in my life"- HU
Lord help me.
Saturday, September 18, 2010
wow.
if any song could sum up my testimony or life-long prayer to God...this would be the song.
so convicted.
so convicted.
Monday, September 13, 2010
Enough.
I had an overwhelming week.
Of confrontation.
Of workload.
Of people.
Of thinking.
Of soul-searching.
Of revelation.
More than anything..God has been convicting my heart.
He's been whispering in my heart and asking me "When will I be enough for you?".
Restore in me that zeal Father. Help me to make you first. Help my soul to know that you are more than enough for me.
Thanks Abba.
Of confrontation.
Of workload.
Of people.
Of thinking.
Of soul-searching.
Of revelation.
More than anything..God has been convicting my heart.
He's been whispering in my heart and asking me "When will I be enough for you?".
Restore in me that zeal Father. Help me to make you first. Help my soul to know that you are more than enough for me.
Thanks Abba.
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
A new chapter.
I told myself, I'm not going to blog. I don't have time to blog. It's time consuming. Once again God told me to do something despite how I felt. So here I am blogging.
The last time I did this was sophomore year. I will leave the past entries here so you can follow the progression of my life.
Basically, there's so much that can be said, so much that can be sung hehe...and as cliche' as it is...God is so good.
I could go on and on, about the great things God has done in my life, but that would take ages.
More than anything, God is teaching me about humility. That humility isn't thinking lesser about myself, but thinking LESS about myself. There's so many peopled I've wronged...because I'm so self-righteous at times. But especially at Biola...Christ has been really teaching me about how He is continuing to write our stories...and he LOVES everyone just the same.
I am no better, then the person next to me, we are all sinners..that are undeserving of His grace.
There's so much more I need to learn...and I'm really glad He's put me in a place where I can blossom even more...
This song lyric really sums up how i feel right now...
"No words could say,no song convey all you are,the greatness of our God. Spend my life to know,and I'm far from close to all you are,the greatness of our God"- The Greatness of God... Hillsong
-Nat
These girls mean so much to me. And so do you who took the time to read my blog. <3
(This is going to be a collection of my sporadic thoughts. I used to want everything to sound pretty in writing...but isn't it just more fun to hear my thoughts as they are??? yeah? yeah.)
The last time I did this was sophomore year. I will leave the past entries here so you can follow the progression of my life.
Basically, there's so much that can be said, so much that can be sung hehe...and as cliche' as it is...God is so good.
I could go on and on, about the great things God has done in my life, but that would take ages.
More than anything, God is teaching me about humility. That humility isn't thinking lesser about myself, but thinking LESS about myself. There's so many peopled I've wronged...because I'm so self-righteous at times. But especially at Biola...Christ has been really teaching me about how He is continuing to write our stories...and he LOVES everyone just the same.
I am no better, then the person next to me, we are all sinners..that are undeserving of His grace.
There's so much more I need to learn...and I'm really glad He's put me in a place where I can blossom even more...
This song lyric really sums up how i feel right now...
"No words could say,no song convey all you are,the greatness of our God. Spend my life to know,and I'm far from close to all you are,the greatness of our God"- The Greatness of God... Hillsong
-Nat
These girls mean so much to me. And so do you who took the time to read my blog. <3
(This is going to be a collection of my sporadic thoughts. I used to want everything to sound pretty in writing...but isn't it just more fun to hear my thoughts as they are??? yeah? yeah.)
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