I won't ever get it completely right..but that's okay.

Recently I've been struggling. I've been struggling with why I can't get it right.

Although I love Jesus soooo much, but why I can't be spotless like Him?? Why do I do the same stupid things over and over again?? He's used me so much, but why can't I seem to be an even a better example?? Why do I doubt? Why do I struggle with struggling?

Pastor Rick Warren tweeted a while ago "It's the "I" in sin, pride, & mine that causes the "I" in strife, guilt, bitterness & misery." AHAHHA SO TRUE. even when I seem to be doing "good"...sometimes it's just about I....but even so it doesn't matter cause...

It's not about me!!! I'll never get it right, but JESUS ALREADY MADE IT RIGHT!!!
So yeah, I will still mess up...and yeah I'll never be perfect until I meet my Maker face to face.

Cause everything is just about HIm, even when I do Christian "stuff" it won't matter if the intentions aren't really for Him....cause it's HIM HIM HIM! haha

"'Cause this is not about what you've done,
But what's been done for you.
This is not about where you've been,
But where your brokenness brings you to

This is not about what you feel,
But what He felt to forgive you,
And what He felt to make you loved."
-Tenth Avenue North

couldn't have said it any better....thanks Tenth Ave. North!

He came to make the dead alive!!

"The biggest difference between Jesus Christ and ethical and moral teachers who have been deified by man, is that these moralists came to make bad people good, Jesus came to make dead people live. East or west, north or south, ancient or modern, the problem is the same and the solution is the same. Once we understand the heinousness of sin, we'll gain a deep and lasting gratitude for God." - Ravi Zacharias

Being a Christian doesn't entail doing good things by our own efforts, it's not about being better than other people..because we are not by any means better than ANYONE! We've just by God's grace realized the TRUTH!! We will ALWAYS fail if we do it on our own. It's not even about doing good either!!! It's realizing how good HE is so that we so we will want to respond to Him by our life of love and faith..hopefully displayed not by just words but by actions!

It's about having faith in the Almighty it's about abandoning yourself to Him, to let the Savior transform your life so that nothing else can satisfy your desires but serving Him, being in His presence, learning His Word, and living for His glory.

That's what Abba has been teaching me.

I have a long way to go still...but He's guiding me every step of the way!!!

Overwhelmed- in a good way

A jumble of thoughts...

So much has happened...I don't think mere words can express.
I thank you for those that have took time to hear me out...especially those in my Biola family and some individuals who are always there to listen. I sincerely thank you for encouragement...all of you are blessings in my life.

Everyday I seem to be learning something new.. As God has given me such a new outlook, motivation' and perspective on life...I thank you to those who have taken time to try to comprehend as my words seem a jumble at times...there's just sooooo much..that sometimes I need to sit and just ponder and process everything.

I also apologize to those I have neglected.. Know that I still sincerely care about many of you. Its just difficult for me to catch up with everyone, but know that if you ever need anything I'm here to listen.

If I have offended anyone in anyway I also apologize. I am imperfect...but I'm tryin my best to love...although it will never be like Jesus' love..I hope most of you see just a glimpse of love in me that my Heavenly Father has given me:. If not I am at fault.

Thank you everyone. Whether you've made a positive or even negative impact in my life... I know that God placed you in my life for a certain
reason.


Finally I hope that what I stand for or what my faith is... Won't be expressed in mere facebook statuses, texts, or words... But with His grace be seen in my life as well.

In short if my thought process about life and my faith can be summed up in a quote..it would be this one.

" When I say I’m a Christian, I’m not shouting I’m clean livin’. I’m whispering I was lost, now I’m found. When I say I am a Christian, I don’t speak of this with pride. I’m confessing that I stumble & need Christ to be my guide. When I say I am a Christian, I’m not trying to be strong. I’m professing that I’m weak & need His strength to carry on. When I say I am a Christian, I’m not bragging of success. I’m admitting I have failed & need God to clean my mess. When I say I am a Christian, I’m not claiming to be perfect, my flaws are far too visible, but God believes I am worth it. When I say I am a Christian, I still feel the sting of pain. I have my share of heartaches so I call upon His name. When I say I am a Christian, I am not holier than thou, I’m just a simple sinner who received God’s good grace, somehow."- Maya Angelou

Haha. Hehe. So there really isn't a flow to this blog..but for those who got through it... I appreciate it.

Too True.

Beckah Shae tweeted: Some things I've learned.......I can Test someones Truth by the Word. I can test someones Fruit by their Love. I can tell someone who spent time with Jesus by their Joy. I can tell someones Faith by their Peace. I can tell someones Humility, by their Gratefulness. I can tell someones Victory by their Praise.



I can't agree more.

What LOVE entails.

So I want to turn your attention to this subject: “Loving Your Enemies.” It’s so basic to me because it is a part of my basic philosophical and theological orientation the whole idea of love, the whole philosophy of love. In the fifth chapter of the gospel as recorded by Saint Matthew, we read these very arresting words flowing from the lips of our Lord and Master: “Ye have heard that it has been said, Thou shall love thy neighbor, and hate thine enemy. But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them that despitefully use you; that ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven.”

Certainly these are great words, words lifted to cosmic proportions. And over the centuries, many persons have argued that this is an extremely difficult command. Many would go so far as to say that it just isn’t possible to move out into the actual practice of this glorious command. They would go on to say that this is just additional proof that Jesus was an impractical idealist who never quite came down to earth. So the arguments abound. But far from being an impractical idealist, Jesus has become the practical realist. The words of this text glitter in our eyes with a new urgency. Far from being the pious injunction of a utopian dreamer, this command is an absolute necessity for the survival of our civilization. Yes, it is love that will save our world and our civilization, love even for enemies.

Now let me hasten to say that Jesus was very serious when he gave this command; he wasn’t playing. He realized that it’s hard to love your enemies. He realized that it’s difficult to love those persons who seek to defeat you, those persons who say evil things about you. He realized that it was painfully hard, pressingly hard. But he wasn’t playing. And we cannot dismiss this passage as just another example of Oriental hyperbole, just a sort of exaggeration to get over the point. This is a basic philosophy of all that we hear coming from the lips of our Master. Because Jesus wasn’t playing; because he was serious. We have the Christian and moral responsibility to seek to discover the meaning of these words, and to discover how we can live out this command, and why we should live by this command.

Martin Luther King Jr- Excerpts from A Knock At Midnight

Empty Promises.

All my life people have been making empty promises to me. that's why i have trust issues.

But that's okay.

I know the only One who can fulfill His promises is Jesus Christ. and He's also the only One that I need to trust.

Desperation.

To continually be desperate for Him. That's all He wants from me.

The Heart of Worship

Amos 5:21-24

I can't stand your religious meetings.
I'm fed up with your conferences and conventions.
I want nothing to do with your religion projects,
your pretentious slogans and goals.
I'm sick of your fund-raising schemes,
your public relations and image making.
I've had all I can take of your noisy ego-music.
When was the last time you sang to me?
Do you know what I want?
I want justice—oceans of it.
I want fairness—rivers of it.
That's what I want. That's all I want.

"The fruit of your Word is extravagant"

Sufficiency.

Lately I've been drained.
I haven't been real enough with myself and God.
Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love college.
God's blessed me immensely and surrounded me with such amazing people..but I do miss the people that I could really genuinely pour out my heart out to in high school.

And that leads me to this realization, His love alone has not been sufficient enough for me. When I desire for my emotions to be satisfied, rather than allowing Him to be enough for me..I am being selfish. Thus,I forget who I am truly living for, and who truly cares for me despite the circumstances.

May that always be You Lord. Forgive, this wretched heart.

I wanna live for HIS WELL DONE MY GOOD AND FAITHFUL SERVANT, and not live for the fleeting temporary comforts and praises this world deceives me with.

I have a long way to go. Change this heart.

finding worth through Him.

It's days like these really allows me to be honest with myself and my struggles. For no particular reason I felt like crap, could be from lack of sleep, or the countless clumsy things I did today and a carry-over from a frustration I dealt with over the weekend...but thankfully the Spirit helped me set my thoughts straight.


He made it really apparent to me that I'm still very fearful of Man. It's almost like embedded in our brains, we can't escape it. It is part of our sinful nature. But it doesn't mean that I or you have to remain content with that state of mind..we can strive for something better. God can help us through it.

One quote A.W. Tozer wrote that really penetrated into my heart, "In this world where men forget us, changes their attitude toward us as their private interests dictate, and revise their opinion of us for the slightest cause, is it not a source of wondrous strength to know the God with whom we have to do changes not? That His attitude toward us now is the same as it was in eternity past and will be in eternity to come?"

That's truly profound..and so true..why must we continue to live for the world when their attitude toward us is dictated by their interests. It's still a lot to process and swallow.


My prayer to God is that my true heart's desire is to live for an audience of One.I will fail. But from that I will grow. Faith will lead to triumph.

Christ is the only thing in my life that ever gave me worth, and I'm completely convicted He is the only thing that needs to give me worth.

Haha..I ponder in life sometimes...where I would be without Jesus. Probably dead by now. But I am a new creation in Him, and so I want this life to be offered to Him.

"You are my freedom, Jesus You're the reason, I'm kneeling again at Your throne, where would I be without You, here in my life, here in my life"- HU

Lord help me.

wow.

if any song could sum up my testimony or life-long prayer to God...this would be the song.

so convicted.

Enough.

I had an overwhelming week.
Of confrontation.
Of workload.
Of people.
Of thinking.
Of soul-searching.
Of revelation.


More than anything..God has been convicting my heart.

He's been whispering in my heart and asking me "When will I be enough for you?".

Restore in me that zeal Father. Help me to make you first. Help my soul to know that you are more than enough for me.

Thanks Abba.

A new chapter.

I told myself, I'm not going to blog. I don't have time to blog. It's time consuming. Once again God told me to do something despite how I felt. So here I am blogging.

The last time I did this was sophomore year. I will leave the past entries here so you can follow the progression of my life.

Basically, there's so much that can be said, so much that can be sung hehe...and as cliche' as it is...God is so good.

I could go on and on, about the great things God has done in my life, but that would take ages.

More than anything, God is teaching me about humility. That humility isn't thinking lesser about myself, but thinking LESS about myself. There's so many peopled I've wronged...because I'm so self-righteous at times. But especially at Biola...Christ has been really teaching me about how He is continuing to write our stories...and he LOVES everyone just the same.

I am no better, then the person next to me, we are all sinners..that are undeserving of His grace.

There's so much more I need to learn...and I'm really glad He's put me in a place where I can blossom even more...

This song lyric really sums up how i feel right now...

"No words could say,no song convey all you are,the greatness of our God. Spend my life to know,and I'm far from close to all you are,the greatness of our God"- The Greatness of God... Hillsong

-Nat




These girls mean so much to me. And so do you who took the time to read my blog. <3

(This is going to be a collection of my sporadic thoughts. I used to want everything to sound pretty in writing...but isn't it just more fun to hear my thoughts as they are??? yeah? yeah.)