I'm sick.

I'm sick of always selling myself short. I'm sick of having others validate what I am worth. I'm sick of always being the one who cares more. I am sick of only knowing how to smile in every circumstance. I'm sick of failing. I'm sick of falling for boys. I'm sick of guys playing with girl's emotions. I'm sick of bottling my emotions. I'm sick of not being able to cry. I'm sick of being compared to others. I'm sick of no one truly understanding me. I'm sick of no one being able to tell that there is something wrong with me. I'm sick of only knowing how to respond with "nothing" when someone does ask what is wrong with me. I'm sick of being passive. I'm sick of being negative. I'm sick of being positive. I'm sick of contradicting myself. I'm sick of being over-analytical. I'm sick of thinking too much. I'm sick of waiting for someone to ask me how I am. I'm sick of always being happy externally. I'm sick of no one taking me seriously. I'm sick of judging others. I'm sick of being prideful. I'm sick of being confident and insecure at the same time. I'm sick of being inarticulate. I'm sick of being mediocre. I'm sick of being timid. I'm sick of knowing that the reason that I'm writing this is for you guys to understand. I'm sick of knowing that after writing this, my mood will probably change. I'm sick of knowing what I write on here is only temporary. I'm sick of being sick. I'm sick of being vulnerable. I'm sick of being sensitive. I'm sick of having mood swings. I'm sick of not meaning everything I say on here.

Maybe I'm not sick.

Maybe I just needed to let out all the things that go through my head on a daily basis.

Yeah, that's it.

Yeah.

oh the joy of youth.

I found my 1st, 2nd, 3rd grade journal! It's just funny to reflect on how naive I was, and how silly kids often think and act when they are young.

Here are some of my favorite entries:

9-22-99

I'm a crazy girl. And I only have 11 Pokemon cards. I wishded that I had more but it's OK because I don't want to get my mom mad

10-24-99

You know what now, my mom's baby is fat like a pig and we had a deal that when my mom has a baby or longer we will see who could get on diet. But I know that my mom's going to be fat after the baby is born. I saw her eat a lot of sweet stuff yesterday,

1-24-00

I'm afraid of the dark! I mean when all the lights are off

1-25-00

Today this guy said "Hey your cute want to be my girlfriend" to me. But I don't like him

1-31-00

I like Teletubies and it's a baby show.

2-24-00

Dear Diary, I don't like the school bell

2-29-00

Landon called me Fatalie.

3-2-00

Michael picks his boogers and puts them in his mouth

3-20-00

I still watch Barney

4-2-00

I watched T.V. yesterday even though that's it's no TV week. And I'm going to do the same thing today.

5-2-00

I eat alot of junk food that's why I weigh 60 pounds.

8-13-00

Today I ate hot flamin' cheetos and I went poo poo it was red.


AHAHHA. I want to be 7 again!